Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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