Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
