i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
