there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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