worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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