My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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