I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
