U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
