I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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