Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
