I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
