Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
