I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
