Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
