i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
