Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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