There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
