and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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