I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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