i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
