Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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