why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We had to coat check the pizza.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
