this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
