Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
