so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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