My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
