The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
