I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
