around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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