I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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