Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
