I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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