I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
