Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
