I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
