worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
