I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
