it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
