I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
