Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
