I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
