The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
