dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
