I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
