You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
