Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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