just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
