you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
