she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
