Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
