I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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