I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
