I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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