some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
