if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
