What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
