don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
